i just pushed the last of the candy canes off the counter and into the garbage can. i took a deep breath of january.

i used to be so bugged by the idea of new year’s resolutions–the rush to promise to do things, the madness of trying to fix everything at once. i hate doing anything that everybody else is doing. if it’s on the cover of oprah magazine (or any magazine, really), you can be sure that i’m running in the other direction.

but, i’ve come to love the idea of change in january. a dear friend in ohio pointed out to me the beauty of the world as it shifts from darkness to light at the winter solstice, which usually sits a week or so before the new year–it’s such a ripe time to revisit the idea of possibility. the world begins to blossom in sunlight again. we become more and more awake to the world and to ourselves. it’s so pagan. so ritualistic. so organic. i’m obsessed with it.

and this year as my days slowly fill with more and more light i’m determined to do one thing. last year i would have said, “this year i will be better!” but i think the brutality of 2011 to my mind and spirit have taught me a quiet little lesson: i have no idea what “better” means. i keep demanding better of myself, without pausing to be inspired. and so this year i am resolving to find out what better is and then to be it. i aim to redefine better for myself through prayer and meditation and study, not by listening to my inner, often misguided, perfectionist.

here’s to 2012. to quiet, mindful, grounded life. to being better, whatever that means for you personally. to your own quest for discovering.