yes. hello universe. i haven’t written in ages because my lucky old compaq decided to visit the moon without me. and then i started feverishly painting furniture for my house. (hello orange desk! i love you.) and then on to setting traps for mouse.
so, back to the beginning. i’m mad. i’m really mad. and sad. and a little upset. (and exhausted. but i think that’s permanent.)
here’s why. i started taking a medicine about eight weeks ago that made me gain weight. and we’re not talking a little bit. we’re talking weight. like someone handing you a bucket of rocks and saying, here! fellow human, put this bucket of rocks in your stomach. i somehow managed to amass over 25 extra pounds in less than six weeks, which is sort of amazing to consider. needless to say, i feel disgusting. and i’m off the medicine and despite my doctor assuring me that the weight would disappear, nothing has disappeared. none of my clothes fit. i have puffy squirrel cheeks. mirrors make me uncomfortable. and i don’t know what to do.
i imagine people still like me okay, but despite knowing intellectually that weight has not much to do with anything, i cannot lie and say i don’t care. i do care. i care a lot. and i don’t know what to do. if i think to myself, i won’t eat sugar, i immediately eat twice as much sugar. if i think to myself, i will exercise longer, then somehow i don’t even manage to exercise at all. it’s like satan wants me to carry these 25 pounds around forever. like they’re a symbol of something sinister.
but i’ve noticed that all problems tend to diminish once you say them out loud. especially in front of a very public place stuffed with strangers. (hi, internet.) does the wisdom of the interwebs have any advice? (extra points if you can answer like dear abby.)
boo. i’d be mad too. i’m sorry. i wish i had advice but i am still trying to kick the baby weight that i think can’t still be considered baby weight now that he’s 1. so i don’t think my advice would be helpful
you must have had a rough six weeks. i hope you can start to feel better soon.
Get really really stressed about something. No just kidding. It actually does work wonders for making you lose weight, but usually you just end up thinking, “I’d rather be fat and happy, than stressed out and skinny.”
Really, I don’t know. That’s a hard one. One that, if it makes you feel better, most of us (especially who have had babies) are struggling with too. So, you’re in good company. Don’t feel bad about yourself. Find things that actually encourage you in the process and ignore everything else. That’s my best for advice. You’re awesome, Jessie!!
Dear Jessie,
It is a sad sad thing to have excess weight. I had a spiritual awakening about my body in college. My inspiration went something like this: “Your body is beautiful. It works: you can see, touch, taste, smell, and hear. Be grateful for the daily blessings it gives you.”
Now, it still bothers me that I have excess weight from baby #3. But I try not to dwell on it. I try to think of the blessing that I was even able to have this baby. My body made a whole person!
I don’t know if that helps you. But you are an amazing person with a multitude of talents. Those talents come from God. The thoughts that tell us that we need to be skinny to be happy? Not from God.
Heaven knows I hear this one. And I hope saying it aloud helped some. So sorry you’re dealing with it. Lately I like what Geneen Roth says about food/weight/God, though I don’t think everyone would (or even should) like her ideas. Diets don’t work, is what I say. I think the only thing that works is getting past ideas of deprivation and entitlement, but that’s easier said than done. Women, Food, and God (Geneen Roth) was on the bestseller list, and it’s readable, if nothing else. Anyway, those be my suggestions. I wish you gentler thoughts and a clear way forward.
Jessie, this happened to me, too! I was prescribed a drug right before I got married to clear up my skin from what turned out to be an allergy, (and didn’t even need drugs!)Within ~3 months, I’d gained at least 20 lbs. It was (is) awful, so I feel similar frustration. Although I don’t have the answer for you (as my scale reminds me every time I step on it–gah,) I offer a squishy hug of solidarity.
Hmm, my guess is it will work its way off. Here’s hope for you… Pretend you’re me and you’re 27 years old and you just had twins. The doctors gave you steroids every day and made you stay on bed rest. Pretend you gained 95 pounds. After the twins were born you weighed 85 pounds more than usual. Just pretend you felt so abnormal you were afraid to go out in public and couldn’t find any clothes to wear. Fast forward and voila! you only weigh a normal amount more than you should. See? It can happen. It’s no fun, though, in the meantime.
Oh Jess! I would be so mad too. But things come in threes, right? Seems like that in my life anyway. So, I’m thinking, what with the computer, the mice and the meds, you are at three!
Let’s have a party! 
About the weight, I’m sure it’ll come off, but if you want to try to hurry it along its merry way, I really like The Zone by Barry Sears. Sure, it’s totally 90s, but I lost my baby weight so much faster after #3 and #4 when I finally read the book and tried it. It’s more a change of proportions, though we did cut out or cut down some things, like pasta. And we always allow a splurge night.
Hugs from Houston!
I’d listen to Deja. She should get the Dear Abby points. Plus, she helped me in this issue. She’s smart. Sending love your way.
you all are wise and circumspect. i’m so blessed to have such friends. mwah. [and jen, i certainly feel you win. plus, you're also very cool.]
dear so i’m mad,
i can understand why a gain of that much weight in a small amount of time would be frustrating. hopefully your medical need for the medicine was addressed and you are all better now. try not to let the weight define who you are. spend 3 minutes every day in a quiet place envisioning you at your best weight. see all the details, how you feel, what clothes you wear, exercising habits etc. You will see the weight fall off eventually.
-sincerely, abby
Hi Jes,
WOW do I understand this! My 3rd year of being diagnosed we were still experimenting on meds and they put me on a particular medication. It worked better then anything else and so I had to stay on. I gained 150lbs. in 1 year. It was horrible. I was depressed by the weight which didn’t help, but my mania wasn’t horrible so I stuck with it. Now 7 years later I have lost all the weight, spoken about it on the Oprah Winfrey show. I have found a medication that works finally and it’s great (it only took 5 years). Don’t despair though. The beginning is a trial that you will overcome and conquer. There are so many great meds that are out there now that weren’t there when I was 1st diagnosed. I know you are going to find one that works for you. Just keep with it (I know that’s easier said then done). And just remember to not get down on yourself. This is all part of the process and we all have hard days. Medication hard days can seem so much worse then other days though. Just know you are in my prayers.
I also want you to know that I love the orange desk! You seem so fun! Always keep that light, fun, and happy self that you have. I know mania helps out a little with the “fun” in our life, but I also know that you must be an amazingly fun person!