i’ve spent all of my time the past few days engaged in the following pursuits:
- worrying that the yankees are going to burn atlanta.
- worrying about housework.
the first thing i thought when i read beth’s (of course i remember you!) questions was “i don’t know a thing about nothin.” but then as i pushed myself to go deeper into my less flippant, more truthful side, i realized that whether it’s consciously done or not, we all have a process. we all have things we simply won’t compromise on. so, i thought i’d open up a little and tell you all what i really do all day and see if that helps anyone help me or help themselves.
first off, i go insane if my kitchen is dirty. insane. because i love to cook but hate to do anything in a mess. so every night after i put the kids to bed i make sure all the dishes are done, the counters are clean, the table is cleared off, and the floor is swept. (this takes about an hour, depending on how many pots i used in my culinary masterpiece. which reminds me, this recipe sent my eyes into the back of my head with delight.)
speaking of cooking, i let my kids watch TV so i can cook. and ignore them unless it sounds like blood. in fact, i often listen to podcasts with headphones so that i can ignore them more effectively. (this, i suppose, is one of the ways i sneak “me time.”)
second, i get the laundry done every tuesday come hell or highwater. i don’t always get it folded or put away (don’t know why that’s so hard) but i get it clean. ain’t nobody wearing dirty underwear in this house. the kids help with the laundry. they like it, maybe because they sense that i like it.
third, henry loves to vacuum more than he loves, um…. pretty much he loves to vacuum. period. so he vacuums. he’ll vacuum for about an hour before he’s ready to do something else. (i just have to make very sure there isn’t anything on the floor to suck up.) this worked really well until my vacuum broke.
henry also loves to clean toilets. he lets me know when this needs to be done. otherwise, i’ll be honest, i only remember to clean the toilets when someone is coming to call.
here are things i don’t do with any regularity—-i wait until the filth and mess and stench is driving me batty: clean bathrooms, clean the toy room, clean the kids’ rooms, clean the fridge, vacuum the stairs, wash windows, vacuum out the car, clean out couch cushions, reorganize cupboards, clean up after joe.
as for spending time with two kids, i got it easy this year. henry’s at preschool three mornings a week, so i’m alone with violet. and violet naps in the afternoon, so i’m alone with henry. ta da.
as for spending quality time with myself, mostly me and myself spend the evenings together. husband joe is mostly all the time gone and if he isn’t gone, he’s sitting in the house somewhere swearing at teeth. so, i don’t get much reprieve from the house and kids. usually not until i have a nervous breakdown and tell him i have to leave for a few hours or i’m going to leave for good. (is that what all the rest of y’all with resident husbands do?) i wish i had a way to give myself a break, but i haven’t figured it out yet.
that’s a sort of sloppy synopsis of my life, but it is what it is. i don’t have time to refinish cabinets. i don’t have the kind of kids that will play quietly next to me while i work on a sewing project. [in fact, any time i sit down, they poke me in the eyes repeatedly. really.] i can’t go to the bathroom or shower by myself. henry and violet take 100% all day long. i love them lots, but i have to admit, i never gave much thought to what it would mean to be a stay at home mom. i think i had pictures in my head of my mom, which pictures, conveniently, start after we’re all in school. i wish i had memories of when we were not in school, because i think my mom is pretty amazing and i wish i knew how she coped with all us crazies. (now that i think about it, i remember her telling me to go outside and play often.) of course, we lived on a big cul-de-sac, with a giant back yard, and lots of little friends. things we’re missing here in texas. right now, anyway.
[as i type, henry is in nothing but underwear and a winter hat from peru, telling me it's a cold winter night and he's going skiing and is throwing snowballs at me. i'm surprised he let me type this long.]
p.s. 
i think this ensemble needs me.
I’m the same way about my kitchen and about neglecting most other things. Therefore, we instituted a tri-weekly plan. We mostly just tidy up after ourselves on a daily basis, then every third week, we split up the heavy lifting like mopping, bathrooms, vacuuming, dusting, etc. Seems to work for us, but then again, we only have a dog who hides from the vacuum and no kids.
So, after reading this, I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re perfectly NORMAL! I definitely neglect those ‘other thing’. Who wants to clean a window when Levi is just going to lick it again? Or who wants to clean a bathroom mirror when Jacob is just going to put his soaped-up hands right back on them to see what shape it makes? Not me! Therefore, just keep doing what you’re doing and know that it’s okay! Find a friend or two at church - you may have to get pushy with this - but then the kids and you will have friends. I’ve even found those without kids at church make awesome friends! They can hang out with the kids have gone to bed and you get adult time without having to deal with other people’s kids! Good luck
I vacuum once a week, I like it. I NEVER mop - hate it and it’s always dirty two seconds later. Okay, really I mop probably once a month, but still I should more and don’t. I clean my bathrooms when I start to see things growing in the toilet - gross I know, but that’s how I roll. I do dishes daily. NEVER dust. Pretty much how it goes at your house. Feel better?
Oh geez. You’re fine. You’re better off than most of us.
Yeah, it sounds like you have things about as in control as the rest of us. (except for those people like my sister and my mom who wash their walls once a week)
I do my dishes (mostly) daily. I keep my living room tidy (but it’s tiny). I do the laundry weekly since we don’t have very many clothes. That’s about it. I clean the bathroom once a month (or less), the bedroom occasionally. I haven’t washed a window in years. I mop the floor when my feet/socks are black at the end of the day. I’ve been “lucky” that this is the first time I’ve lived in the same place for multiple years (starting the third). When you move every year you find that you only have to clean your house twice - when you move in and when you move out. Easy!
I just want to say that I second the advice that Rebecca gives about inviting a woman from your ward over (who doesn’t have kids or who has a husband who can be home) after your kids are in bed. I think this is a good idea from the other side of the equation as well. I don’t have many friends in my ward and I just tell myself that it is because I can’t go to the play groups during the week. If I got invited to hang out at someone else’s house in the evening to eat ice cream and just talk for an hour after her kids were in bed, I would love it. However, I’d never do the asking because I can’t exactly invite myself over. Plus, what if that was the one night her husband was actually going to be home or something? So, if you find someone who fits that description, think about asking her to be your bosom friend. Or something like that. It might be good for both of you (oh, and you don’t need to clean your house for a bosom friend, but maybe make sure there is somewhere to sit on the sofa
I have no comforting words on housework, except it sounds like you do great. And I hate it. And I don’t even really do it.
But what I actually have to say is that ensemble neeeeeds me, too. We should share a closet. And that site is smart to put ensembles together. It was all I could do to restrain myself from putting every single item in my shopping cart before I thought twice. Whew. Good thing the skirt was sold out …
forget housecleaning (i just made a batch of chocolate fudge frosting for to eat out of the bowl after the kids are asleep), i am dejected and morose that the brown skirt sold out in a day. and all that day i kept telling myself, “dear self, you have six brown skirts in your closet, you don’t need another one.” but now i know the evil truth, i DID need another one. need, i tell you. sigh. and alas.
That you are even thinking of your tasks, routines and what the kids are doing makes you a super mom in by books. At your age, I forced myself into a daily standard that I named “6 at 6:00 & 8 at 8:00″ - 6 things I HAD to do starting at 6:00a (amazing what you can get done before the household decides for you then you may even have the time and inclination to relax WITH the kids in the afternoon). Then 8 things I HAD to do starting at 8:00p when the littles were in bed, maybe not asleep but the bedtime routine was checked off. Try to get 8-9 hours of sleep for yourself, it’s like a magic tonic! You are right, starting the morning with a clean kitchen is fantastic. Grandma Alice advised getting outside with the kids for at least 20 minutes each morning for exercise and enrichment, to stimulate a hearty lunch appetite and mid-day nap. Fifteen minutes per day per child engaged in joint attention is a successful formula.
I used the reference book ‘Clean Your House and Everything In It’ and observed other women I’d like to emulate. My self-imposed boot camp was following the book ‘The Sidetracked Home Executive’ which is a great system for scheduling regular tasks and delegating/sharing jobs with family members. http://www.shesintouch.com/
I love to cook too but even now when I am feeling overwhelmed with agenda I revert to a routine/basic diet until the rest of life gets under control. Assign an entree category to each day of the week based on the activity for that day, e.g. on-the-go all day = crock pot night. Others: pasta night, hot sandwich night, main dish salad night, etc. This will help to shorten your meal planning time, keep meals varied and establish food traditions.
In my area young mothers meet monthly for Girl’s Night Out and weekly for group play dates. I used to trade a day off with a friend once a week which doubled as a play date for the kids. Then after 5 kids I quit trading and put the preschoolers in daycare one day a week so I could grocery shop, take piano lessons, book salon time, etc.
My apologies, you didn’t ask for my advice! If you knew me better you’d find I’m left-brained OC about a lot of things, and yes, a happy homemaking nerd!
Loves and best regards in your new adorable ensemble, CG
Jessie, I think you’re doing great. It’s hard to feel like we’re doing enough, isn’t it? I would like more time alone out of my house. Or to be happier in it. My desk is a mess and the toilet is growing things. yikes. if only i could figure out how to calm down
maybe a roomba? except your henry likes to vacuum. hm.
Hey Jessie!
Better from the flu and I’m still getting on the computer; I’m proud of myself. I’ll comment until the laughter coming from the other room turns into screams.
Thank you for the feedback. (Uh-oh beginnings of a scream coming from other room–have to be quick.) I love getting a look at what other people’s lives actually look like day-to-day, especially people I respect, so thank you. I spent a good part of the evening yesterday grousing internally as I did dishes and my husband did homework in the other room, that I’m not even in residency yet and don’t have my husband around much, and that maybe the positive attitude I’d adopted–that there had to be a way to find personal time as a mom–was delusional. Luckily I cheered up, and your post has helped. Thanks.
Can no longer ignore screams from other room.
Okay children no longer attacking each other. By the way, thank you for introducing me to fine cooking’s website. I love that magazine and always wondered why they didn’t have a database where you could access some of their recipes. Duh. That’s just how technologically backward I am.
Oh ya, and it’s so true that we never remember what it was like when we were kids and really hanging around mom a lot. When I became a mom, I was somewhat shocked to find out they didn’t come out as 10-year-olds. That’s what I’d always imagined when I thought of “having kids”. Good thing these munchkins are so cute and so fun to be around.
P.S. Joshua loves vacuums too. cheers when I say “lets vacuum!”
Well. You know me and what my house looks like. Lucy has taken to pointing to the toilet and saying “Potty. Ewwwwwww.”
I made cake mix cookies with dark and milk chocolate chunks today after work (it was that kind of day). Bring some of that choco fudge frosting over here, will ya?
It is a most excellent and needful brown skirt. And I don’t even have ONE brown skirt. It should have been mine. Mine, I say.
here, deja, make this brown skirt yours: http://www.shopfrockshop.com/item.php?item_id=957&category_id=7