this is a just-in-case post. just in case you’ve been annoyed by my cryptic hints that something Big is happening, here it is, spread out.
in a little less than two weeks i am moving to texas. my husband joined the air force. i, suddenly, am a military wife. he is going back to school. for three years. (with an option for four.) after the intensity of the residency program in ann arbor, we’re going back for more. and not an easier kind of more, the harder kind.
i might be excited, but i’m not sure. what i feel mostly is like someone cut me up using a pair of child’s scissors and all the edges are ragged. this is not a reflection on texas (long live the alamo!), this is a reflection on me. i haven’t been coping well lately, and tossing a move into my emotional bucket, while it was inevitable, is still scary.
let’s be honest, i’m not good at it. i’m not good at feeling comfortable in a new place. (it takes me a long time. too long, perhaps.) i’m not good at unpacking. i’m not good at making new friends, about finding the new joy in a place when i miss my old joy. looking out over these next three years i see a chasm of loneliness and overwhelming-ness.
and that’s just depressing. so everyone who’s reading this, i order you to write one clever thing to help me think that having my husband disappear for three years while i’m still steeped in toddler-dom is a positive thing.
ready. set. go.
Hey Jesse, I like to read your blog; you are so clever. I loved the bit about being cut up by child scissors and still being ragged. I feel that way sometimes too. I’m not as clever as you are, but I am introspective, and I have been learning a lot through the trial of the last 3 years of my life. Pres. Uchtdorf said “It is often in the trial of adversity that we learn those most critical lessons that form our character and shape our destiny.” I believe that. You already have a wonderful character, but we could all use a little more character and destiny shaping. Think of it as an adventure that the courageous Jessie Curtis is embarking on! I figure, the more places you go, the more places that will have your beautiful stamp on it. I was only in your ward for a little while before you moved, and you made a difference to me.
Also, there is more sun in Texas, which means more vitamin D, and happiness!
Oh wow… another adventure! I wish you much luck and all the happiness in the world. You are one of the most clever, optimistic, larger than life people that I know. I only wish I knew you even better. I am still kicking myself for staying in such a bubble when you lived nearby.
Jeremy is curious… what will be be studying? He’s glad to hear that he’s not the only one that will still be in school the next few years.
Um. I shouldn’t even be typing. I have nothing clever. Or hopeful to say. Except. It could always be worse!! Growing up my mother read us this charming tale. I think she read it for herself most nights. She was raising three kids in Manhattan while babysitting two others. My dad barely came home long enough to sleep. She was also severely depressed. Suicidally so.
Here’s the good news. Your kids won’t remember any of this (trust me, I know), and someday you won’t ever be moving again and you’ll have enough money to spend to send them to college. And doesn’t the Air Force pay off student debt? So… dude. that’s a serious bonus too. You could buy a practice right away! Someday you will be super secure and all that nice comfortable business.
I’m hoping for that myself. This morning I woke up jobless and husbandless (he’s away getting training for the month that will hopefully, someday, bring us a job) and very sad. I am apparently entirely emotionally dependent on him. I just have to remind myself. It could always. be. worse.
For me, the first year in a new place is always hard, then I get used to it, then I love it. I think it helps to know that about myself going into a new place. It’s not so bad to have a year of adjustment. There’s so much to look forward to. I hated Cleveland at first. Now I love it. So perk up! You’ll be blogging about how surprisingly awesome Texas is a year from now. Then in three or four you’ll be blogging about how awful it is to leave.
you will still be riding the book trail…
I read your blog because I know your sister and she hooked me up, and I enjoy your writing.
One amazing thing about moving to a new place is the frequent visits with said sister. She is such a special person with such cute kiddos and I know she’s thrilled to have you close. So that’s a HUGE something to look forward to! I wish I could talk any member of my family to come live by me…!
no winter? I don’t know what to tell you other than I’m sorry. I think you’re wonderful and I know the people where you’re going will, too. Incidentally, I have a lovely friend in Housten (how the heck do you spell that?) who you might get along really well with. Her husbands at Baylor and she has three three and under and you two could really use each other. Maybe you’ll have a lot of young people in your ward? Have you done your pages? you can do this.
um, well, there will be more sunshine! and maybe you will love Texas, and if he is in school they will not send him out of the country. and you will be one time zone closer!
I agree that being closer to your sister is a bonus! Although I’m not sure exactly how close, that makes a difference. Hopefully it’s going to be close enough! Some of it sounds pretty difficult. Charge up your batteries when you’re with your mom and dad.
Think of it this way…in Texas you will be able to learn a new language, make it through the winter without shoveling a driveway, and grow a lovely garden that won’t be killed by frost. You’re a strong woman, with a strong family, and a strong faith-that will get you through anything!
Um, I’m afraid I probably don’t have anything that amazing to say. All I know is that I believe that “the grass is always greener…” At least, I’m jealous that you have two little kids to love and a husband with a set career plan. However, I’m pretty sure if I was in your shoes, I wouldn’t feel any differently than you do. So, I don’t know what to say except that when I try really hard not to hate lab, to do my best at work, to like it as much as I can, and to be grateful that at least I have health insurance and there is food on my table—those days are much better than the ones where I mope about it. (I must admit that I do plenty of moping–but I’m working on it!)
Jess, I wish I were clever. I, however, do not have your gift of writing. So, I’ll just be me. I think you’re better at making friends than you think you are. Just be you and people will flock to you. And if they don’t…you can always hole up with your computer and be with your on-line friends - like me! Enjoy Texas. Get out and find a class to attend of some sort with people who have the same interests as you. Joe will be around some, make sure you enjoy those moments. Come for a trip to Missouri, I’ve got plenty of room in our house for both you and the kiddos. And remember…in the end, it will be worth it. I HATED residency, but I LOVE what our life is like now. It’s hard to think of what these 3 more - maybe 4 - years of school will bring, but life will get better. You know that, but sometimes we all need reminders. Good luck!
Aaw, Jessie…good luck! I guess I don’t really have any good advice or anything for you. But I just wanted to say good luck and sympathize (or empathize?) with you because I hate being new somewhere too, it’s scary. I really hope you guys like it in Texas. And I can’t wait to hear about your adventures there.
Here’s what I’ve learned just in our first year of military life, during the meatiest part of Mike’s residency… It is pretty flippin’ sweet, as it turns out. Of course, coming, as I do, from the medical world, and not dental, I probably have a different perspective. We always knew we’d have to go through this post-education education, and I always knew it was a-gunna be rough. But in the military, it is sooo much sweeter. *Much* better pay, *much* better hours, and more kindred spirits. For whatever reason, I didn’t really make any deep connections after 4 years in Cleveland. Within my first two months of an army residency in texas, I had FOUR best-friends. And, while this may hardly seem like a consolation to you, though it was to me… you will be friend and neighbor to people whose husbands also work really long hours, but they do it on the other side of the planet. Puts things in perspective, let me tell you!
That was longer than I wanted it to be, but one last, and perhaps most important point (depending on how deep your love of tiny vegetables is): I buy a pint of perfect grape tomatoes for $1 at the commissary. As you weigh everything there is to weigh, I think you’ll be forced to admit that is pretty awesome.
Everyone wants to be your friend. Just think of all your friends. You are sure to make lots of friends with other mommas of kids in toddler-dom.
thank you. at a time when a person (me) needed positive reinforcement, you gave it. and i appreciate that.
and to add to the list of great things about texas, i just bought the first bathing suit of my entire life ever that i feel good in. so. that’s something.
Hey - you are a hop, skip and a jump away from Mexico. I see that as a beautiful opportunity to flee the country should you get caught for all the…uh….illegal….um… stuff you do.
oh dear. i don’t have any advice.
i find myself moping around missing my friends and roses and rhubarb in utah.
i wonder if that wound will ever heal? but in reality, i make friends pretty easily because i’m just a freak like that.
but even with new friends and feeling at “home”, you still are home with your kiddos all day.it will just be in a different home. i guess my only advice is forget yourself and go to work. work hard at having a really great, organized move, cause ours sucked, mainly because i just sat around and sulked instead of packing. and now,i’m surrounded by junk and boxes. but it’s only been a week.
thinking of you guys. hang in there by tooth and nail. best wishes.
a bathing suit you feel good in is nothing to sneeze at, no ma’m.
and neither is the sun. this is what i loved about living down in that direction: there is sun. the southern summer heat can eat my moldy tuna sandwich, but it’s almost (almost) worth it in exchange for taking a walk in 70 degree decembers. you’ll love that, i think.
I think the best advice I was given before we started our school journey was from my voice teacher who went through the same process we are. She said to not forget about yourself. You have to do what you love too. You can’t put your life entirely on hold for his, or you’ll resent it, so take classes and write and read and make sure that you’re happy.
The other best advice I was given was from my best friend in AZ right before we moved. She said to find the other missfit moms and you’ll instantly have friends. Don’t try too hard to fit in, but find people that don’t judge and have quirks just like you (thats why we clicked :). It worked for me thus far.